Languish for you (My soulmate) Read online

  “Trinity,” she said, reaching to touch my hand, but her arm stopped in the middle. She wasn't sure if she should do that. But in the end, her fingers lay on my hand. She gasped when she felt my chilling skin. “Please, fight,” she didn't lose her hope, although everyone had done that and was starting to arrange my funeral

  I pressed my eyes, like I had eaten a lemon. I wanted to exorcise that memory from my mind for good. Maybe it was a good thing that souls couldn't remember their lives.

  Suddenly I felt exhausted and wanting only one thing – sleep. I put my head on the white pillow and let the dreams trap me in their world.

  Chapter five

  A mist was surrounding me, letting me feel like an animal in a cage. I looked around, trying to see through this mist, but I couldn't. It was so thick that I couldn't see what was on the ground two steps away.

  “Hello!” I shouted. Only my voice's echo returned to me.

  Fine, I am alone. Nothing new in that department, I said in my mind.

  I took two careful steps forward.

  “Love,” suddenly I heard a man's voice. I froze and tried to understand from which direction that voice came.

  “Is someone here?” I asked, fear was growing in me, forcing my little heart to hammer.

  “Come to me. I am languishing for you. Please, stop forcing me to feel that misery in my life,” he said to me, ignoring my question.

  “Who is here?”

  “Please, love. Come to me,” he sounded prostrate and sad. I felt guilty and gloomy.

  “How?” I asked.

  “Please,” I heard him before I felt someone snaking his arms around my waist. I screamed and tried to remove those two arms which lifted me up, pressing me closer to a warm and solid chest.

  “You are safe. Nothing can hurt you,” Christopher said near to my ear in that calm and hypnotic voice.

  My muscles relaxed and I took a deep breath, before I looked around the surroundings, trying to understand what had happened. One second I was in the mist, hearing a heart ripping voice which told me to find him, and the other - I was in Christopher's embrace, hearing his comforting words.

  “It was just a dream,” he said in the end, putting a finger under my chin in order to lift my face up and meet my glassy eyes. “Nothing will happen you. You are safe.”

  I nodded. A dream. Yea, it was just a dream, I said to myself. But it wasn't a scary dream. So, why was he telling me that I was safe. Did I scream?

  He put a tiny smile on his face, which forced my heart to miss a beat.

  “Do you want to talk about your dream?” he asked, suddenly all serious and ready to give me a pop quiz. He seemed so old now.

  “Should I?” I hugged myself.

  “You don't trust me or Avery. I understand that. It's hard for you. But believe me, it isn't easy for us, too. It's the first time when we have a soul like you,” he was explaining me, giving me an idea how stupid I was to act like this. “You need to hug the truth; you were dead and now you are alive with another opportunity. You can deny it as many times as you want,” he said harshly, forcing my eyes to become bigger on my face. What was his problem? One minute he was friendly and helpful, another - aloof and a pain in the ass. He was unstable, and that made him dangerous.

  I tried to escape from his arms, which had imprisoned me. At first he tried to force me to be calm, but in the end he released me reluctantly. I retreated from him, searching something in the room which I could use if he decides to lose his mind completely.

  “ Sorry,” he apologized me when he noticed terror in my two green eyes. He seemed guilty for giving me opportunity to feel fear. “I just don't have patience when it comes to girls. I would rather talk with boys. They realize the situation quicker,” he confessed.

  It should have made me feel better, but it didn't.

  “I am sorry,” he said one more time and left me alone in the room.

  <<>>

  Avery came into my room two hours later, bringing me some new clothes and food. She didn't say a word if she wasn't asked to answer something. Her behavior for some reason broke my heart. But maybe I deserved it?

  “What will happen now?” I asked her as I took to a nice looking skirt into my hands.

  Avery shrugged and turned her ice-cold eyes at me, which totally looked wrong on her face.

  “We will live. Christopher will bring you your computer that you could start your writing. Then, when you will warm your feet and resign your mind about who you are, you will attend into university.”

  “University?” I asked, putting the skirt down and taking pans.

  “The English language and literature,” she stated.

  I shivered.

  “Yea, I was planning to take this studies after school,” I admitted grudgingly. “How did you know that?”

  “You are a writer, Triny.”

  I frowned. That wasn't a proper answer. Yea, I was a person who liked to write, but calling myself a writer when I hadn't even published any of my stories...was insane. I had always thought and I will think that the person could call himself a writer only when his books were touched with a lot of eyes.

  “I must ask where we are?” I decided it will be only for the best if I change the topic. Those two hours, which I spent trying to fathom out, who I was, who they were and what I should do, wasn't enough for me to enter into the dark woods in which I could find unpleasant answers, facts.

  “In Germany. Not far from Bon city,” a dry answer. Her voice reminded me of a robot's.

  I pulled a face. In Germany. Great, I peeved. My aunt lived in Germany. I had a few opportunities to spend some months in her home, familiarizing with the culture, the people and the language. I liked Germany and its people. Maybe if I had been alive, I would have moved to live in Germany.

  I put the pans down, back to the other nice clothes.

  “Who are the bad guys who would like to kill me?”

  Avery lifted her eyebrows up. My question was unanticipated.

  “They don't kill,” she said slowly, carefully, like she wasn't sure if she should start this conversation.

  “So, what the bad guys do?”

  She gave me a dirty look. I was pushing her. What did they do so bad that she couldn't tell me?

  “You have to understand one thing, you are not a protector and not a tutor. So, you don't need to know who the bad guys are, what they or we do, what kind of rules we must stick. So, don't ask me or Christopher about our job. The only thing, on which you should concentrate, is your life and writing. Are we clear with that?” her tone and eyes forced me to feel small and vulnerable.

  I nodded unenthusiastically.

  “Good. Come down after twenty minutes. We will eat together,” she informed me in formal tone. I moved my head up and down again. She took a deep breath and walked out from the room, giving me some privacy, space and time to ponder.

  But I didn't use that time, space and privacy. I felt hungry. I wanted to have something in my stomach in order to calm that bug inside me. So, I quickly took a shower, put my new clothes on my body and got down.

  I felt stronger today, although there were some moments when weakness reigned over my body. I hoped that soon I will be strong enough that I wouldn't need to use the wall as my support.

  While I was slowly moving forward, I let my eyes wonder around. How I understood, this was a one huge ad modern flat. I could even bet that this flat had cost a fortune. So, I had a new fact about them; they were wealthy. My statement was only confirmed when I saw a huge dining room on which was lying a new laptop's box.

  “It's for you,” Christopher said immediately before I could even open my mouth and ask.

  He was sitting over the table, observing me. In front of him was sitting Avery. She, with bored look, stared at her empty plate. Next to her I noticed another empty plate. My plate.

  “Mine?” I said unsure.

  “You need to write, Trivy,” he smirked.

  “Yea. We really want to
read your new masterpieces,” Avery said exited. Her eyes were glowing from happiness.

  “Masterpieces,” I repeated her word like echo in the woods. I was perplexed.

  “Of course,” she rolled her eyes playfully and waved with her hand to the empty seat near to her.

  I didn't know what to say, so I just did what she wanted from me; take my place over this table.

  I really was bemused by their behavior. Were they doing that on purpose, trying to confuse me more than I was now? If so, I could say that they were doing a great job. I was so perplexed that I didn't know if anything could make sense anymore. My world was rocked so hardly by a new kind of earthquake which I didn't know could ever even exist and it really surpass the Richter scale.

  I sat on the chair slowly and indecisive. When my butt was on the chair, I lifted my eyes up to them. They were studying me, letting me feel small and stupid again. I didn't like this feeling.

  “Staring is a rude thing,” I snapped, putting my hands on the table.

  Christopher grinned.

  “Truth sometimes insults, Trinity,” he retorted.

  “But it is the only thing which saves,” I had never been very impressed by debates, because it seemed so pointless to talk about one thing which had a different meaning to everyone. You could never reach a compromise, and the reward for arguing with someone, will be always anger and loathing for that person with whom you had talked.

  “But not every wants to be saved. Sometimes it's better to live in the darkness,” he contemplated..

  “And if that darkness takes away from you your happiness?” I asked, sulking.

  He took some minutes to create a replication to my question. How it seemed from his face's expression, I had given him one tough question.

  I stole a glanced at Avery. Her back was leaned against the chair's backrest. Her arms were crossed against her chest. Her face was letting me see that this stupid talk was amusing her. Was I pushing one of Christopher's buttons which I shouldn't?

  “And if the truth steals your happiness?” he decided to attack me with a question. I could endure that.

  “If one door is closed, there will be another one which will be opened,” that was my life's motto. I tried to live according to it. Every defeat, every dire calamity and every word wasn't as bad as people wanted to believe. All those things only bestowed a chance for us to make our lives better, understand ourselves better.

  “Not every time appears the opened door,” his face became solemn. He didn't look friendly now. He almost looked like a fox which was creating a plan how to give me ultima ratio.

  “But only if you are blind.”

  He smirked.

  “But many...”

  “You know what? You two have filled up my cup,” Avery said, gesturing her hands. “Anna, please, bring food here, because someone will die. And not because the plates were empty,” she shout.

  Christopher's smile came bigger on his face. For my surprise, my smile also grew from microscopic to enormous.

  Soon a plump woman came inside the room, carrying a huge tray with food on it. I could smell grilled meat, mashed potatoes. Soon the food was lying in my plate with salads. I gasped, making my eyes bigger in my face. Meat? Really?

  I lifted my eyes at Anna and then to Christopher and Avery, who had already started eating their food with a huge appetite.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked me in German. Even bigger astonishment hit me. I understood her so easily, like she was talking in my mother tongue.

  Christopher and Avery lifted their eyes at me, studying my face like it was an open book. Maybe it was. I had lost control over my emotions these days. I wondered why.

  “I... I don't eat meat,” I said quietly.

  “You don't eat meat?” Avery asked dumbfound.

  I nodded, feeling fire in my cheeks. I always felt uncomfortable when it came to my eating habits. People just didn't understand how I felt seeing meat and then alive animal. I didn't think it was right to let someone live only to kill it later. And why? That someone could built a castle of money? People killed in the past only because they needed food for survival, no because to gain some extra weight and end up in hospital in which four or maybe even more people will be required in order to move him on other side.

  “Why?” Christopher asked, putting his fork on the table.

  “Because it tastes bad and ... I can't put it into my mouth because I see a living animal in front of me. And the thought that I am...” I didn't end my sentence, because I felt how my head started spinning.

  “Bring some chocolate,” Avery said quickly and put her arms around me.

  Anna nodded and soon was standing with a bar of black chocolate next to me.

  “Eat,” Avery put a small piece of chocolate in my mouth. I chewed it, feeling a bit better. “More,” Avery insisted and soon another piece of chocolate found its way into my body. “Better?” she asked when a half of chocolate had magically disappeared from the table.

  I nodded and dared to scan the area. Christopher was sitting, staring at me. Anna looked like she had seen a ghost in front of her while Avery was wearing a concerned person's mask.

  “Interesting,” I heard Christopher saying. Before I could even ask him what he had in mind, he stood up and left not only the room, but also and the flat.

  I looked at Avery with question in my eyes. She smiled sadly and took another piece of chocolate which had to be put in my mouth.

  “Don't worry. You will soon get to used to us,” and I tasted chocolate in my mouth again. I didn't even dare to ask her what she had in my mind by telling me that.

  “Anna, could you do some vegetarian dishes?” Avery asked.

  She nodded and turned to leave the room. I lifted my hand up to stop her.

  “I should also tell then that I don't eat fish, mushrooms and various sea food.”

  “Are you serious?” Avery thought that I was lying? Sometimes I even myself wished that it could be my personal joke, but it was the truth, unfortunately. I didn't like sea food because of its taste and the fact that maybe that thing was alive once. Mushrooms ... I didn't even want to think about them in my mouth.

  “Really interesting,” now it was Avery's time to tell those words.

  “Please. I am not the first and not the only person who has limited food ration.”

  Avery lifted one corner of her mouth up. She had something to say. I saw that in her eyes. Unfortunately, she decided to leave her thoughts in her head, making me even more curious and even suspicious.

  Chapter six

  Two days had passed and I was almost used to them and the fact that something really bizarre had happened to me. I was alive. How many people had this chance to live again? Now maybe I understood my characters which didn't want to be special. They just wanted to be average, that grey mass which was boring and too serious sometimes, or dumb. It depended on who you were: with brains or had the herd instinct.

  I heaved a sigh and looked at my laptop's screen. Thirteen pages, with many words of the story on which I was working now, shone to me. Avery and Christopher insisted that I would spend my time doing the one thing which let me feel relaxed, happy and important; creating new words. For some reason it was really essential for them. They even asked me it I needed something to make my time, when I was writing, better and more stimulating to press those keyboard's keys.

  I put my laptop away from me and stood up, leaving that warm bed aside. I needed to do something else now, for example, see in what kind of city I was living now. Also, maybe do some shopping. Surprisingly, but my protector and tutor were rich people. I had a lot of money in my new wallet just waiting to be spent.

  I had never liked to waste my time on make-up or choosing the right garment to put on my body. So, my preparation to meet a new place, took me only about ten minutes.

  I didn't know if Avery and Christopher be pleased by my intentions. After all, they had strictly ordered me to stay in my room. But I wasn't a pris
oner. I needed something more that four walls and the laptop without the internet. When I asked why I was disjunct from the world, they told me that I could get curious to find out how my family lives and that would be unwanted.

  “To them, you are dead. So, they should be dead to you too,” my tutor said in a cold tone.

  One side of me perfectly understood that I should stay away from my previous life, but another want was dieing to know how my family moved on.

  Curiosity killed the cat, I said to myself when my eyes turned to my new purse.

  I left my room. I didn't find neither Avery nor Christopher. Only Anna was toiling in the kitchen, listening loudly the radio. I decided not to bother her, but still, I knew that I shouldn't just leave without telling anyone where I was going.

  So, I found a paper and a pen. I wrote down that I want to see the city. Also, I added that I took my new mobile phone. I thought that was enough for them not to call to the police.

  “Your new name from now on will be Vanessa,” Christopher said, giving me my new passport. I looked at my picture, at my new name. Vanessa Stanton. I was eighteen years old girl. Great.

  I quietly opened the front door and left the flat. Anna hadn't even heard me leaving. Super.

  I left the building. The sun met me with the birds' songs which was mixed with city's noises. Suddenly I felt fear rising in my body, but I knew that it wasn't time for me to panic. Yea, I was in a new city. Yea, I could magically understand every language in this world. Avery told me that it was death's present for those who came back to live a new life. Good present, I had to say.

  Step by step I moved forward, letting my eyes wonder from one side to another in order to memorize the surroundings and get used to this place.

  Not far away was the main street with many cars moving to every direction which was possible in this world. Also, many people were walking with their own thoughts, ignoring other people next to them.

  I stopped and took another deep breath. Was I really ready to explore this city? Now?